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An aurora, or indeed aura, of sartorialism is endemic these days. Celebriania, fixes us with the atmospheric beam of consumeramania, it’s charged particles guiding us as rabbit disciples towards the next, new, look.

As someone who spends a great deal of time in t-shirts and flip-flops  – volcom and havaianas – at time of writing. I remain, as yet, unmoved by pectoral implants, eyebrow threading, Inquisitionistic hair removal techniques – I will not be drawn into detail – and the myriad preoccupations currently taxing the ever decreasing mind of metrosexual man.

But I would like to draw your attention, and concern, to one observation – “Your clothing is too tight sir”. We are currently gripped with an excessive desire to wear a younger – and considerably smaller and slimmer – mans clothes. Younger brothers regularly steal their older sibling’s kit, and I still have suits made for my father, uncle and grandfather, but now the roles are reversed. Imagine, if you dare, your own father donning his grandson’s clothing in an attempt to look like a member of One Dimension – no it is not a typo.

Get the picture, if not get a full length mirror! Tight clothes make you look fat, small clothes make you look poor or imply that you have failed to aquaint yourself with the cycles of your washing machine. Buy quality clothes that fit, they will last if you stay off the pies! My apologies to Mr Dermot O’Leary.