thesprezzaturist

~ "studied carelessness"

thesprezzaturist

Tag Archives: Wine Club

“The Turn of the Screw”

12 Thursday Sep 2013

Posted by juleslewis in Wine

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Corkscrew, Wine, Wine Club

41qcjUQL29L._SX300_

Fiendishly clever isn’t it? A corkscrew that resembles a robot rabbit, comes in its own hutch, with additional accessories, and is yours free when you buy two cases of unspecified plonk. My father fell for this little introductory incentive, and was so thrilled with his new toy that he almost forgot how dreadful the wines were which accompanied it.

He gleefully demonstrated it at every opportunity, residents of the village – with nothing better to do – sat transfixed as he displayed his adroitness with first the foil cutter, then the bottle stand (my mother had to step in here), and finally, gripping the rabbit’s ears with one arthritic hand and the lever with the other, he executed the coup de grace – expelling the cork in one swift, brutal, and remarkably silent flourish.

Confronting his meagre audience, with a triumphant expression on his perspiring face, he breathlessly announced “Who wants a try” to which four adult males immediately responded. I don’t know if all four subscribed to the wine club’s offer – I suspect that they did – what I do know is that the robot rabbit lasted a week.

Rummaging through a kitchen drawer on a recent visit home – in a fruitless search for barbecue skewers – I came upon the remains of the rabbit’s shrine. The foil cutter lay neglected, its little wheels corroded and useless. The stainless steel stopper with double rubber rings lay nearby, next to a random selection of tarnished silver fish knives. The rabbit’s final resting place remains a mystery? My father has a new corkscrew now, a good old-fashioned waiter’s friend.

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • More
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr

Like this:

Like Loading...

Wineclubbing

11 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by juleslewis in Wine

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Christmas, Shopping, Wine, Wine Club

Me and my girl wineclubbing, nightclubbing, sealclubbing – come on sing a long!

A cornucopia of wine club literature is currently cascading, uninvited, through the door. Probably because I fall into a particular marketing bracket and appear on, bought in, lists as an alphabetical statistic. Plus, rather ruthlessly, there are only 104 shopping days till Christmas!

“How do you know this” – You may ask. Well, I used to write wine club copy in a former life. I tried to do it with a sense of humour – see below, but found that I could not marry the product of glorified gardening, made by passionate artisans, with a free clock radio.

“….In the cool of the morning, when the dew is still heavy on the earth, and the morning sun is vying for dominance with a large limpid moon, a hardy, yet merry, band of pickers descend on the vineyards to pluck the firm, plump fruits of the vine. These jovial vendangeurs are the eldest sons of generations of handlers of the golden secateurs, who lovingly and carefully tease the ripe berries into their panniers. Once picked, the berries are crushed beneath the delicate feet of former dancers of the Corps de Ballet…..” Alright, you’ve rumbled us! This is straightforward honest to goodness plonk for early drinking, at a not to be missed price.

Still with me?

Now I have nothing against wine clubs per se, but I do take umbrage at misleading and often bogus incentives. These are rife in the UK, and may exist for up to two weeks without legislation. You know the type of thing “Was £9.99, now only £3.99” Like **** it was! Where and when, you may ask, was it ever £9.99? It is £3.99 and tastes accordingly.

My other favourite is “Was £100 for 12 bottles now only £50”. “Save over £50 a case and get a free corkscrew” (bbq, wine glasses, clock radio). Now I know that most people are suckers for a free corkscrew, but come on – where do these wines come from and who makes them? Surprisingly, some do have known provenance and can be traced back to source, although others have rather dubious parentage.

Another ploy is to use a strapline from a famous wine writer, wine maker or vintage report, stating something along the lines of ” 2011 was a great vintage in the Rhone , the wines were sweet and ripe with excellent fruit and longevity”. This may not apply to the wine in your hands, but you are not going to send it back are you?

Despite the guaranteed refund – if it fails to satisfy, you are reluctant to pay the postage and you have already broken the free corkscrew.   And, more importantly you know a bargain when you see one – don’t you?

infografic courtesy of http://www.corksout.com/whats-in-your-bottle

corks-out-infographic-4_99

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • More
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr

Like this:

Like Loading...

Recent Posts

  • Stakes & Stones
  • My Mate Marmite
  • The Joint is Jumpin!
  • Whimsicality killed the Cat
  • ‘Do The Macchiona’

Recent Comments

the #1 Itinerary on Stakes & Stones
juleslewis on The Joint is Jumpin!
the #1 Itinerary on The Joint is Jumpin!
Charlotte Whitta on The Joint is Jumpin!
the #1 Itinerary on Eau Naturel

Archives

  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • August 2018
  • December 2016
  • July 2016
  • May 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • August 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • December 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013

Categories

  • Art
  • Books
  • Food
  • Musings
  • Skate
  • Surf
  • Travel
  • Wine

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • thesprezzaturist
    • Join 629 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • thesprezzaturist
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

    %d bloggers like this: