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I am ever an advocate of well fitting clothes, but there are pitfalls. Avoid snug (see aurora sartorialis) or you will fall victim to that dread phenomenon, the desire to purchase incentive clothing.

Incentive clothes are clothes bought with the express desire to lose weight. You know the drill, you walk into a shop and pick up a range of stuff designed for a younger and slimmer you – perhaps this is how you see yourself, or imagine yourself to be. If I get these, you think, it will encourage me to lose weight.

If you lack a full length mirror, consider the following; the wrong collar size causes redness of the face, enhances the reptilian or old poultry effect of the neck and makes people think you are having a seizure.

The wrong shirt size just makes you appear fat, desperately unaware of moobage and, if combined with trousers of an inappropriate waistline, draws attention to the love handles (although these can balance the moobs giving a curvy and voluptuous silhouette).

A small jacket is not only tight under the arms, but places uncommon strain at the mid button , which , if expelled or propelled, may result in a lost eye and consequently a large insurance claim.

Shortness of trouser may be rectified in two ways: a) rub something sweet on your shoes in the hope that they will descend for something to eat, or b) stop getting your Mum to take them up (she will still be using a template from your teens) and go to a good alteration tailor.

Lastly, be realistic, if you enjoy food and wine ( the very slim dislike both) accept this fact gracefully –  buy clothes that fit and be prepared to reject that second helping.

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