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“If you wonder why he stands so high

its just the space between him and the sky”

I am unsure about the exact dimensions of John Wayne’s legs, but am acutely aware of my recently fractured fibula and, unlike The Duke, am not standing quite so high. I am however, the proud owner of an extremely fancy item of footwear, akin to Hugo’s heavy block of oak and ironwork.

Unlike Ahab, I was not “dismasted off Japan”, but in a garden in Devon. The unfortunate incident occurring in the aftermath of the “Great British Storm of 2013” – when three picnic tables were overturned – and whilst not as thrilling or romantic as the pursuit of the great leviathan, a chainsaw was involved.

Needless to say, whilst I wallow in the mud of self pity the VOR is buoyed by schadenfreude, inflicting “harm joy” upon the noble boot and its wearer – now if only it came in brown.